Classical Jokes3053- Page

I work in a bar called Advice. I get really good tips.

It was good advice when someone told me I'd never meet the woman of my dreams at a bar. The women in my dreams aren't old enough to get in.

Here's a useful shopping tip - You can get a pair of shoes for 1 in the bowling alley.

Trying to be funny is like trying to force a fart - it never turns out quite as you expect and you'll likely have to leave the room.

Top tip: If you have a paranoid friend and they leave their mobile lying around, pick it up and add little reminders like "I'm watching you" and "You're not alone" to random dates. Epic lols!

Give a man a fish and you've fed him for a day. But teach a man to wear a fishnet stocking for a mask and hold up a bank and you've taken care of him for life, one way or another.

Amuse yourself when filling in application forms. When it asks "Are you registered blind or partially-sighted?" tick slightly outside the box that says "No".

UK GOVERNMENT. Reduce the amount of underage pregnancies in Britain by simply lowering the age of consent.

The only thing more boring than watching paint dry... listening to paint dry.

Ladies, you can't be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn't work that way. You're already hard to want.