Classical Jokes3052- Page

My dad always said ' be good and if you can't be good,be careful'. Wise words from the man who knocked up a fat minger.

I saw a scruffy looking young man sat on the street this morning behind a card that read: "Help the Homeless" So I gave him the number of an estate agent I know.

I would like to take the time to remind everyone what today is... Friday.

Mosh pit. Well concealed taser. Hours of endless entertainment.

My girlfriend just asked me how we were supposed to stop her dog from drinking the toilet water when I keep leaving the seat up. I told her to put it down.

Save money on expensive pet carriers. If you need to take your cat to the vets, simply tie its tail to one of its back legs to make an excellent carry handle.

"Beware: Peanuts may cause small children to choke" What kind of society do we live in where murder tips are advertised on the back of peanut wrappers?!

You know what they say, so I wont tell you.

'Hope you're hungry' A kind gesture in Britain; A cruel taunt in Sudan.

Whispering can make almost anything sound creepier. Example: "I love little kids."