Classical Jokes3050- Page

Can anyone give me a rough idea how much I would have to pay for a ball park?

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

Marriage tip: When your wife comments that eating a dessert after dinner will make her fat, don't add the "ter". Trust me.

My old Dad always said, "Lift with your legs". I find it easier to use my arms.

It is estimated that it has cost the British taxpayer 2.3 million to pay for the Pope's visit. They obviously never heard of Ryanair, return tickets from Rome start at 48.

Take my advice: I don't use it anyway.

Word of advice for those people who make jokes about Walkers crisp bags having very few crisps in them. Don't bother buying a Ryanair sick bag - they turn out to be even more disappointing.

Marathon runners cover over 26 miles in two hours, train for years and when they finish cannot breath and are bent double with pain. I, on the other hand, can spend the 2 hours in the pub drinking and smoking, yet walk out as right as rain. Therefore running is obviously bad for you.

If I had a pound for everytime I lost a pound, I would be no better off.

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error.