Classical Jokes3046- Page

Paedophiles: Make your naughty activities less obvious to vigilant mothers by not dressing up as a train spotter.

My mate reckons he could eat a whole blanket, Personally I think he's full of sheet.

Don't just wait for your grandparents to die so you can claim their inheritance. Earn it! Visit them. Make conversation. Put a smile on their faces. Leave a window open.

I don't think I was listening when my mam told me how to use a cotton bud properly. It went in one ear and out the other.

I've come up with a great way to come up with money. Find yourself a blonde girl and say "I bet you 10 that I can sing a song with anybody's name in it, you can choose the name". At which point she'll agree and choose a name. You'll then sing "Happy Birthday" with whichever name she's chosen, you can do this as many times as you want.

Advice to poor People/Council House tenants -disguise the fact that your property needs expensive external cladding work by covering the whole of your house with St George's Flags

Roadside accidents; a great place to pick up that last-minute anniversary gift.

After failing university, I had no money and no job. My father advised "there's money in computers!" turns out there wasnt. Also i need to replace two of his computers.

Mum: Be careful Me: Thank God, before you said that i was just going to be recklessly dangerous.

Women: save money on anti-ageing products by dying young.