Classical Jokes3044- Page

Never put your finger where you wouldn't put your nose.

How to write a successful joke: For a joke to be successful, one must consider the various discourses of humour, especially pertaining to the various genres of comedy that exist. One must also consider the various synonyms of the vocabulary used in the joke and the intended meaning of the word (versus the normal usage of the word in a non-joke context). We use Hilling's formula to calculate the efficacy of the word play (C = 1/x * R(4e)). We must then take into account the use of current affairs, using Smith's algorithm (1>2>3>4>X

Why spend three quid on a packet of bog roll when you can get a copy of The Sun for 25p?

When ever a child asks me why God let so many people die in a disaster , I tell them its because they distracted him by praying for a puppy.

Never get on one knee for a girl that wont get on two for you.

LEA & PERRINS- Save on printing costs of bottle labels by moving your Worcestershire sauce factory to Kent.

What do you call a fish with four eyes? Fiiiish.

A man walks into a lawyer's office and asks, "How much would it be to ask you three questions?" The attorney answered, "$500." "Holy cow!" the man replied, "That's a bit steep, isn't it?" "No." said the attorney. "What's your third question?"

When reading a book, always underline the bits you don't understand. That way, if you ever lend it to someone, they'll think you're really clever.

Gin, an excellent medicine for being sober