Classical Jokes3045- Page

Some say your children teach the the most important lessons. Mine taught me to use a condom in future

I don't think 'Smoking Kills' should be exclusive to cigarette packets. I've yet to see a kipper survive it either.

Statistics are like a lamppost to a drunken man. More for leaning on than illumination.

Keep Britain Tidy, eat a pigeon.

TOP TIP FOR DWARFS Make sure you never have enough money to buy things. It will amuse us when you tell them this at the till.

Make shopping in Curry's more fun by changing the channel on the TVs to Sky Channel 912.

I have always considered it bad practice to begin and end your sentences with I.

INVESTMENT TIP If you purchased 1,000 of Bradford & Bingley ordinary stock two years ago, you would have 0 left today; If you purchased 1,000 of HBOS, ordinary stock two years ago, you would have 87 left today; If you purchased 1,000 of Northern Rock ordinary stock two years ago, you would have 0 left today; If you purchased 1,000 of Merrill Lynch ordinary stock two years ago, you would have 0 left today; If you purchased 1,000 of Royal Bank of Scotland, ordinary stock two years ago, you would have 76 left today; If you purchased 1,000 worth of canned beer two years ago, drank all the beer and sold the aluminium cans for recycling, you would have 188 left today; Based on this example, my investment tip is: (i) Avoid bank shares (ii) Drink canned beer heavily and (iii) Sell the cans for recycling

Tried to impress my wife this morning by putting all the plates in the dishwasher before she came home. Apparently, we don't have a dishwasher. Another washing machine ruined...

Teenage boys. The waistband of your boxer shorts makes an ideal hiding place to conceal any unwanted hard-ons.