Classical Jokes15- Page

Needed a new stapler at work so my mate told me to get one from the stationary cupboard. I asked which one, as none of them had moved an inch all day.

My best mate never carries money or cash cards... I suppose you've got to give him credit.

I told my friend I was going to drive to Africa in my car. "Sudan" he said ? "No, its a hatchback"

Yesterday evening I had dessert, followed by a starter and then my main course. My doctor said I had an eating disorder.

My job interview didn't go very well. They asked "What will you be bringing to this job?" I don't think "My briefcase" was the answer they were looking for.

Crimewatch: "If you saw someone with a petrol can like this on the 30th of May 1997, please get in touch and catch this arsonist." How ridiculous! No-one's going to remember a petrol can they saw 13 years ago. ...because I used Diesel.

I asked my Dad how I could become a successful lift operator like he was, he told me I had to start at the bottom and work my way up..

I've just seen Ashley Cole and he said to me, ''Would you like to meet my ex?'' I said ''How you spelling meet?''

I think my girlfriend has a split personality. she just sat me down and told me she's 'Mr Period' !?

I smoked weed when I was in university. I did it in snow, I did it in sleet, I even did it in rain, but I did not inhale.