Classical Jokes11- Page

I'm listening to La Roux; The shoplifter edition. Going in for the till.

I knew a referee who would only ever blow his whistle to end the game. It was his full-time job.

I was toy shopping with my daughter when she saw some Toy Story figures on the shelves,she said, "Are Buzz and Woody not moving because they're not real - like the ones in Toy Story?", So, I played along and said, "No sweetheart, see how those one's are in boxes?". She said,"Oh, can they not move because there isn't enough room?", I said,"No honey, they've suffocated to death".

My mum lives round the corner from me and since my dad left her she's felt, 'lonely and isolated'. So I've heard.

The man who took Ryan Air to court after losing his luggage has lost his case.

Today I played Snooker with a friend but he was useless. Wouldn't even let me put chalk on his head.

The local farmer has made it easier for people to get in and out his fields. I like his stile.

The Mississippi was teased a lot in River School. All the other rivers would point and call it "Four I's".

This Christmas I've told the wife that as a special treat she can pick a ring out. Just so long as she washes her hands before stuffing the turkey.

Just like rugby star Brian Moore, if you're abused as a child, you'll grow up to be a hooker.