Classical Jokes3- Page

I've been looking everywhere for my world map. Atlas, I found it.

It looks like all those News of the World readers are going to have to get with The Times.

When I found out that all the fish at my holiday home in Florida were being eaten by a heron, I got the phone number of a local hunter and organised for him to kill it. Just before I hung up the phone I said to him, "I'm a bit worried that I can't track your progress from here in England. How will I know that you've actually killed it?" "That's easy", he replied, "I'll send you the bill".

My girlfriend said to me "I really love BJs, but I hate deep throat." I said "You must be choking."

I went on a date with a girl yesterday. "What would you like to do?" I said. "Would you like to eat out?" she replied. "Depends...have you shaved?"

I'm not making enough money as a waiter and I need a way to make more. Anyone got any tips?

I just read a description of a narcissist. I swear they were talking about me.

I raised my daughter Iris a Hindu, yet my son Terry has had a Christian upbringing. I was always told to dot my i's and cross my t's.

I've just opened a pub at the highest point in Northern Ireland. It's called Top Of The Mourne Inn.

I went up to a couple of women in a bar and said, "Do you mind if I join you?" One of them said, "Sure, go on then" They got a bit freaked out when I pulled out my sewing kit though.