Classical Jokes

My argumentative friend went into PC World, Currys and Comet today and bought every single copy of Microsoft Office. He always has to have the last Word.

I gave a satisfied sigh as I watched my wife clear the table. Although I think the local pool hall are beginning to suspect she might be a hustler.

I was lost for words when my wife beat me in Scrabble.

I'm thinking about entering the national erection championships. How hard can it be?

I broke up with my girlfriend as soon as she told me she was a catholic. I'm just more of a dog person.

I was just finishing off my blueprint for making the worlds largest carpet when I discovered a huge floor in the plan.

My dad won the sperm donor championships two years in a row. He's the number 1 seed.

Fancy losing a few pounds? Try tennis... A fiver on Andy Murray to win Wimbledon should do the trick.

I went to Laos on Holiday and all I got was this Laosy T-shirt!

What do you call a university full of fat girls studying neuroscience? A hippocampus.